In our culture, being a "strong" Black woman is viewed in many ways. Many of us are the products of broken homes, parents who never married and running our own homes as single mothers.
And when it comes to dating, one of the most controversial topics regarding Black women and the people they date is who makes the most money. This is often the concern of male-identified partners due to the expectation of "being a provider" and being able to take care of the home. Some believe this contributes to male-identified partners being intimidated by how Black women show up in the dating realm and the relationships. In 2018, according to the Institute for Women's Policy Research, three out of four Black mothers were the breadwinners of their families. This statistic included both single mothers and those who were with partners. Many things contribute to Black women becoming the main breadwinners including the institution of slavery and thought processes such as, "We don't need a man/partner and can do it by ourselves," passed on from generation to generation. "Getting to the bag," a reference to earning money, is often the goal, but it comes with a cost. Unfortunately, the cost isn't always visible or verbalized to others. I've interviewed D. Renee Smith, owner of Transformational Living Coaching and Consulting and a colleague whom I respect dearly, about this issue. She is not only about her bag but is just as dedicated to her business. She's in the business of helping women with their "bags," and offers the following tips:• Outsource tasks.• Utilize a support system.• Take time off.• Spend time with yourself. We sometimes get into the habit of wanting to do everything ourselves. I'm not sure if this is due to a scarcity mindset or because we've been taught this is how we get things done the way we want them. However, there is so much value in outsourcing and hiring people who can lighten the load. This will help to create that balance we so desire and deserve. The same can be said about utilizing our support system and taking time off. This means putting the laptops away and letting those emails wait. If you're on vacation, be on vacation. Making time for yourself and honoring that, without feeling guilty or overextending yourself, for nonessential obligations is necessary. Being a breadwinner is great, Sis, but you – a beautiful, brilliant individual – are invaluable. Take care of yourself. You only get one you!
First published in Black Mental Health Today, Summer 2022 (Vol. 4).